VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN - IT’S FALLING ON DEAF EARS
The United Nations defines violence against women as: any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual, or mental harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or in private life.
“Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are” - Benjamin Franklin.
Four women have been allegedly killed here in Australia in the past week - far surpassing the weekly average of one. Last week the body of Point Cook mother, Chaithanya Madhagani, was discovered dumped in a wheelie bin. She was discarded like a piece of trash. Last week, a 60yr old woman’s body was found in the boot of a car in Evans Head. A man has been charged with her alleged murder - this man is her own son. Last week, a 22yr old man was arrested and charged with the alleged murder of Samantha Murphy. Should I keep going? I know this a confronting opening passage, but my intent is to shock you. Because violence against women here in Australia is shocking and it’s devastating.
Across all my social media platforms, my blog included, I can reasonably estimate that 94% of my following is female - if not higher. This is a topic I discuss regularly and most share in my outrage, grief and horror - whether they themselves have been a victim of DV or not. While this support and acknowledgment means the world to me, where are all the men? When I say this i’m not referring to my few male followers (although I would love to see them speak out), i’m referring to the wider community - eg. media personalities, politicians, athletes, high profile people in our communties. This is NOT a women’s issue and yet (for the most part), the cries for help are only being heard from other women. My platforms unfortunately will probably never reach the target audience, but that won’t stop me from trying.
I will be sharing some personal experiences in this post that very few people know about. They are unpleasant memories, but ones that have been triggered by Samantha Murphy’s disappearance and alleged murder. I am also working on a post where I will be discussing: male entitlement, toxic masculinity, men’s need for control/power over women, jealousy and revenge. I will also speak about my own opinions on lenient sentencing here in Australia, IVOs/breaches and the multitude of systems that fail women. Let it be known, when I open up about certain things that have happened to me it’s not to garner sympathy or attention. It’s both a cathartic and healing experience for me and if I can help just one other person feel less alone, that’s all that matters. It’s also part of taking my own power back. Whether it’s due to currently being in an abusive relationship, criminal charges/litigation or being afraid, so many women cannot use their voice. So in my limited capacity, I hope I can echo what so many of us are feeling right now - terror, devastation and outrage.
“I didn’t post anything for IWD for so many reasons. For the record though: do I believe in celebrating women’s social, economic, cultural, and political achievements? YES. Do I support women’s equality and gender parity? YES. Do I support positive change advancing women? YES. YES - every single day.
However, I went to sleep on Thursday evening feeling more of what I feel most days - disappointed and fed up. If you have been following the disappearance of Samantha Murphy here in Australia, you’ll probably know where I am going with this. An Interim Suppression Order was put in place to protect the identity of the man who allegedly murdered Samantha on the day of his arrest. As a result, there was mass hysteria and rightfully so. The following day, IWD, this decision was overturned by Chief Magistrate Lisa Hannan and the original application was withdrawn by the defence. I refuse to say his name. His identity and who his father is/was, is irrelevant. My focus is on the VICTIM.
Does this man deserve a fair trial? Of course. Are his family also innocent victims in what has occurred? Yes. But what about Samantha’s rights? Her basic human right TO FEEL AND BE SAFE was violently taken from her while out for a run on a Sunday morning - THAT is what matters. And while the issue of violence against women is complex and layered, I’m so sick of the bureaucratic BS and the way in which the Australian media continue to (mis)report on this issue. Without a doubt there needs to be increased education and intervention, but right now (as it’s happening) it is the poor decisions (at times) of our legal system, lenient sentencing/prosecution and the media who need to pull their fingers out. Because guess what? It keeps happening. Murder is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to FV/violence against women.
It is so insulting to anyone who has been the victim of DV/family violence when we read stories about the perpetrators - stories that are seemingly trying to humanise them. How is it relevant? HOW? It’s titillation. We all need to do better - for those who have lost their voice and for those who are too afraid to use theirs”.
IMAGE SOURCE: https://pin.it/tgEP0DcPw
I have included this video link for some context as it relates to what i’m about to discuss. If you aren’t aware of this case, a simple Google search will produce an abundance of articles.
MY STORY & THE DISAPPEARANCE OF SAMANTHA MURPHY:
All updates about any form of violence against women upsets me deeply. However, Samantha Murphy’s case has struck a cord with me and in turn prompted me to write this post. For reasons I cannot go into, I was diagnosed with PTSD towards the end of last year. Exercise for me, particularly my long walks, is so incredibly important for my emotional and physical wellbeing. It is a limited amount of time where I can completely switch off from reality, focus on myself, experience nature and the elements, and it makes me feel good. To learn that Samantha was allegedly murdered while she was out on a Sunday morning run, is just… gut wrenching. And here is why…
2010:
In 2010 I was out for a bike ride when I noticed a car slow down and start following me. I am someone who is hyperaware of my surroundings so I picked-up on this immediately. I started to peddle faster to confirm that I wasn’t imagining this, but the car matched my pace and the panic set in. In what felt like minutes but in reality was only seconds, I made the decision to head towards home. However, this meant I had to do a right turn up another street and cross the road where this particular car was. As I stopped to look and turn, the car pulled up quickly and blocked me. I was wedged between a parked car and this car. The only way out was to go forwards or backwards. As the car stopped next to me, the front passenger side window was down. As I looked into the car I could see a relatively tall/solid man. He had has pants down, his penis in his hand (the other was on the wheel) and told me to get in the car. I froze. I remained still on my bike and said nothing. As he continued to perform what he’d already been doing, I squeezed off my bike and begun walking it backwards. He persisted with his verbal demands and they were becoming increasingly aggressive. As I reached safety between the parked cars next to me/behind me, I felt my voice come back. I yelled at him to “F&%K OFF” and… he did. He took off at great speed down the street and I crossed the road on foot with my bike. While the adrenaline and shock were racing through me, I knew I had the opportunity to try and get his number plate and vehicle description. The Olivia Benson in me kicked in and I took a mental screenshot of him and his vehicle. I then rode home and fast as I could.
My husband at the time was home and I obviously told him what had just happened. I found myself immediately (literally minutes after it had happened) begin to start downplaying it. It makes me feel physically ill as I relive this memory - the downplaying it part. Why was I excusing this as just gross and creepy behaviour? It was actually my ex husband who said this is BS, we’re going to the police. So we did. We went in and I made a statement - where I continued to say that I was fine and it’s no big deal. The police officer interviewing me was female and she reassured me that I was doing the right thing. We left thinking not much would come of it as I only got a few letters/digits of his number plate. I can’t recall exactly how long after (several months), when I received a phone call from this police officer. She asked me to come in and see if I could identify this man. She showed me a number of pictures and there he was… The image of him is burned into my memory. Soon after this identification took place the same police officer called me again. She told me that he had been charged and that I wasn’t the only victim - several other women had reported the exact same thing. He was also charged with several other offences, including: stalking, harassment and DV against his partner. This person was jailed as a result and I recently learned that he also pleaded guilty to harassing a woman in 2023…
2021:
In 2021 two days before Christmas, I stopped for a quick walk along the beach on my way to finish my Christmas shopping. I was walking along a beach pathway which was concealed from the main road, but one I had walked a hundred times before. By no means is this a secluded area. I had my AirPods in and it was about 4.20pm. If you are a fellow Melburnian, you would know it’s light until about 9pm at this time of the year. I was only a few minutes into my walk when I could feel a presence behind me. I kept walking, but turned my volume down and started doing a visual analysis of my surroundings. I could feel this person getting uncomfortably close, so I turned and headed up a set of stairs. It is usually quite busy down at this particular beach, but I assume being so close to Christmas people were busy celebrating etc. These stairs led me to the walking track on top of the hill which ran parallel with the main road. Once I was up there, I glanced over my shoulder and couldn’t see this person - yes, he was male (one that I would estimate was only in their early 20s). I sighed a brief moment of relief and begun questioning myself - again. A few moments later he appeared only metres behind me - he must have come up another pathway/stairs to where I was (there are several along this stretch). I kept walking and tried calling two of my best friends - neither of them picked-up. It’s hard to describe the thought process (and lack of logic now as I reflect after the fact) as it was all happening so fast. I considered calling the police, but I talked myself out of it - what had actually happened? All I knew was… I was scared. I considered filming him on my phone, but I was worried about his reaction. So I stopped dead in my tracks. He slowed down, but kept walking past me. He was now in front of me. Was I imaging this? It was just days after one of most awful things I have ever experienced in my life, and it was the first time I had left my home. I was fragile, I was rattled and I wasn’t in my right mind - but I thought a walk and some fresh would help.
As he continued walking slowly ahead of me, I saw this as an opportunity to basically make a run for it. I walked across the grass towards the main road and crossed it. There was no footpath on the other side of the road, but I didn’t even care. I was crying and I was terrified, but I was also trying not to let him see this. Once I had crossed the road I started walking in the direction of my car - the opposite way I had been walking in. I looked towards the beach to see he was now mimicking my direction/pace on the other side of the road. Again, part of me wanted to start filming him but I was just too scared. He was smirking at me and taunting me. I had run out of grass to walk on, so I got onto the main road in oncoming traffic and just started to run. I turned up a street I knew well and ran as fast as I could. I was about 350m up that street when a woman walking towards me asked if I was ok. I just said is there anyone behind me? Before I could even hear her answer, I just kept running. I probably ran for another 700m before I reached my car. I remember just getting into my car, locking the doors and driving off as fast as I could. A few kms up the road I pulled over and burst into tears. What just happened? What just happened? No matter where I went or who I saw, I wasn’t safe. I still struggle to articulate how low and violated I felt.
This time though… I didn’t go to the police. I just wanted to get home to my babies who were with a friend of mine. While my action (or lack there of) might not make a whole lot of sense without greater context, there was a lot going on. I just wanted to get home and hide. The shock, my own internal discourse and other past experiences… I froze and needed immediate safety. I carry a lot of guilt for not reporting this absolute POS, but I guess this is part of the problem. As I reflect back on this now and had I been in a better position mentally, I would have (and should have) gone to the police. He violated my basic human right to feel safe and any man that can do that to a woman, known or a stranger, is dangerous.
IMAGE SOURCE: https://pin.it/3hplcCyCl
That was a lot. I feel very exposed and uncomfortable. However, I have to sit with it, learn from it somehow and scream from my metaphorical rooftop… WE DON’T FEEL SAFE! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
I will delve into the layers of this type of treatment towards women in my next post, but I guess this was more about exposing my own vulnerabilities after a shocking week here in Australia. The culmination of my own history, IWD and this last week… it’s really got to me. I flip between such intense outrage when I hear yet another woman has been (allegedly) murdered and wanting to just hide away. But I do feel a strong sense of responsibility to speak up - for myself and for others.
As I said in my Instagram post earlier this week, murder is only the tip of the iceberg. It’s what lays behind the weekly death toll and the countless (and careless) headlines we see in the media, that needs addressing. And fast. There is usually a pattern of certain types of behaviour that should raise alarm bells, but ones that aren’t always easily detected. It’s so complex. This behaviour can escalate over days, weeks, months and years. But it’s happening every single day and it does not discriminate.
One in three women have been subjected to violence at least once in their lifetime. No one (man or woman) has the right to violate someone’s basic human right to feel safe and be safe - in every sense. And to every man, known and unknown, who has violated me throughout my life… you will not break me. I will not stop walking. I will not stop speaking out. And I will keep ‘running’ for Samantha and every other woman who was so callously taken from this world - and all of those who loved them.
#RUNFORSAMANTHA