AGLY Ep 07 - The Debrief
ATTACHMENT THEORY & STYLES, SOMATIC THERAPY, NPD & THE NERVOUS SYSTEM
This has to be up there as one of my favourite episodes, ever. I mean, I only have seven to choose from… but hey. I love all of them for different reasons, but it was great to be able to remove the ‘UN’ from my usual unprofessional opinion. The professional I refer to was the one and only, Elizabeth Anile - the shoe was finally on the other foot! I had my first ever experience recording a podcast with Elizabeth back in 2019, on her podcast > Lemonade. I remember being so nervous beforehand, but quickly realising it was actually such a safe and intimate setting - hence why I love this as a medium. To add to my those nerves (and the disgust at the sound of my own voice) was that Elizabeth is a journalist and TV producer - yikkkes. I have to say though, listening to her has taught me a lot about how to navigate a good interview - what to ask, how to ask and then how to really listen. In short, when I grow up, I’d like to be Elizabeth!
We spoke for nearly 78 hours and what felt like was a (free!) personal therapy session about all things: attachment theory, attachment styles and how they work/don’t work with our partner’s, the nervous system and somatic therapy, NPD vs narcissism or narcissistic traits, toxic positivity, labelling or self-diagnosing and everything in-between. While we covered some pretty heavy topics, we kept it upbeat and it’s an easy (but longish) listen. The beauty of a pause button, huh - WOO. As usual, I like to follow-up all episodes with a written debrief and include my final thoughts and any relevant resource info.
BEAUTY: Serums, Sweet Smells & Peach Fuzz
In honour of the late and great Sinéad O'Connor, I will kick off my first beauty post on the new blog with a fitting reference… “It’s been seven hours and fifteeeeen dayssss”, jokes. It’s been more like 700 years and 38 hours, but I’m here now (and pumped).
EXCLUSIVE and hot off no one’s press, there seems to have been some sort of cosmic shift involving my bathroom cupboard and its contents. I’ve traditionally been quite rigid regarding my outlook on skincare and deviating from previously preferred products/brands. However, changes in circumstances have pushed me over the metaphorical edge of comfort.
In the past I have been pretty open about my PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), particularly when I was experiencing issues with fertility. After Max was born, my body actually seem to adjust to pretty regular periods and ovulation. However, in the last four months it’s gone haywire - yay. It’s been a particularly stressful few months and my period has completely disappeared. On top of this, my PCOS symptoms have flared up, as have my thyroid issues. For these reasons, I have been dipping my toes (and face) elsewhere. In this article I have shared some of the products I have been using, accompanied by some honest feedback.
Attachment Theory & How Attachment Styles Form
“The propensity to make strong emotional bonds to particular individuals [is] a basic component of human nature” - John Bowlby.
I will preface this article by saying my grasp on this topic is very much a ‘LIP’ (learning in progress - and yes, i’ve totally just remixed a WIP there). I am not here in a professional capacity, I am merely discussing my own learnings and interest in this space. This is something I am working through on a personal level with professional guidance, and seemingly gaining a very basic PhD from Google in the process. I’ve previously touched on pop psychology and terminology that is commonly used and misused, so I was rather humbled after disappearing down a rabbit hole of literature and podcasts about attachment theory, and then the styles that are more commonly known. I have learned a lot and am keen to explore the differing attachment styles in more detail and how they grew from the attachment theory.
NARCISSIST: IT’S NOT A BUZZWORD
So, pop psychology - it’s a bit of a double edged sword. It has the power to positively promote mental health awareness to a new and wider audience, encourage personal growth and introspection. I have no doubt it’s also helped many people seek further information and clarity on psychological concepts. In fact, I have seen firsthand online how it’s lead to more meaningful conversations and a better understanding of behaviour/our responses. However, on the flip side of this is where it can become dangerous. I’ve observed time and time again (mostly on reality TV/social media), this trend of overusing and misusing certain terminology. It’s often said with flippancy and it simplifies very complex concepts. I am all for opening up difficult conversations for the right reasons, but it’s on us to share our opinions responsibly and with integrity. Unless you are a health professional and qualified to do so, using terms to label someone with such conviction like narcissist, can be problematic. The misuse of this not only trivialises the true meaning of NPD, but it can also negatively impact the victims who are suffering. Victims may minimise their own experiences by confusing insults or inaccurate descriptions, with the true pathological condition/abuse - welcome to the stage, NPD Vs narcissism.